dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize