He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
