it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She even gives head with a lisp.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
