I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
