My room smells like vodka and shame
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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