Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
