I'm gonna have a badass scar
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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