The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my poor anus
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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