You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You ruined the universe
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
