4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
