omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
