i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
