Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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