the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
