if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
