These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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