He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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