You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
