How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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