Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize