You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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