Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
