If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize