I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
