having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
