whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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