He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
