And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
