He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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