I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize