I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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