My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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