After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
