I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
