I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
