She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
