Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Damn victory sex feels great
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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