Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
