haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How naked do you want me to be?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
