Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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