She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He did a backflip because drugs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
