last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
