If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
