So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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