there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
