Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Congratulations! We have a period
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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