I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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