and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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