It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
