The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
