I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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