I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
