you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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