whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
