Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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