I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
