How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
