Screwed.edu
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
