Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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