i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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