I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
