I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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