I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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