i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
