The maid of honor just puked.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
