Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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