This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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