I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
