She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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