well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
