oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
