$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
