Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
