I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
