forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize