I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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