Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
