Already got asked if we're dating
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
