their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
