You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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